i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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