He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize