you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
