They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
