Sry I called you an 8
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
