How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
