So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
