grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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