I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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