I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
