i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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