thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
