when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
