I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
