someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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