Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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