rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
