Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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