my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
