That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I lost the right to judge tonight
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
