what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
