oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
