Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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