idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
and she was petting her beer can
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
