help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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