How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
