listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
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I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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