look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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