so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
