I got chris browned last night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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