i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
