i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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