dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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