i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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