but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
