I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize