I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
