I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
