I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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