okay pat passed out under dana's car
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
