after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
