apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
