there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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