I wanna bring you to show and tell
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
