Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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