So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
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Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
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At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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