You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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