she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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