Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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