SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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