In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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