I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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