Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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