I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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