yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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