If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
