12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
