dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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