ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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