Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
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The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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