One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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