Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
