I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
