That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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