I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
